Parasitic Prophet Pronounced Ka-Put

GRI’X (GPI) Members of an elitist cult were stunned to learn that their leader, a seven foot talking worm who goes by the name of ‘Roger’, is actually an overweight periodontist who coincidentally wears the most visually unpleasant necktie in the history of the Exoverse.

‘Roger’, whose real name is Baxter Orniphelious Wedgefoot revealed his true identity to an enormous crowd of shocked cultist at their annual inter-dimensional religious gathering known as ‘Wormfest’. He then went on to beg them to stop giving him their money as he was quite definitely extremely wealthy, and was indeed becoming too rich and was running out of places to put any more of the donated funds.

“It’s not like I don’t want their money,” he told reporters in a press conference earlier that day. “I would gladly keep it except I’m just plain running out of room. When the storage fees start costing more than what the actual value of the monetary denominations are worth, it’s time to put a stop to it.”

Cult members commented on why they believed Wedgefoot held such sway over them for so long: “It was the tie,” one cultist told this reporter. “For all those years I was so distracted by that hideous tie that I just never paid attention to the man wearing it. I would have believed just about anything if only to avoid gazing upon the wretched sight that horrible excuse for neck-wear.”

Yet another cultist had this to say: “One minute I was beholding our beloved prophet right there on the main stage, and then he removed that foul neck-tie. Suddenly, standing before me was this ordinary fat guy with bad gums and a receding hairline. I was so confused I accidentally gave the wads of cash in my hands to a homeless person!”

The former cult leader was promptly dragged from the stage by angry cultists and given a champagne enema before being dissected and eaten as the friendly gathering digressed into a full blown orgy of wanton blood-lust. Having sated their appetites for gristly human flesh and revenge, the cultists had puppies and ice cream, and then eventually wandered off in search of a new messiah.

No one is sure what happened to the tie.

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