Broken glass and dark smears still cover Paddington street today, after the fantastic Block Hockey upset last night when reigning champions Hooper’s Gastros took on the Unsuspecting Motorists at the height of rush hour.
Trafﬁc was creeping along at the intersection of Paddington and East Barp at about 4:55 pm when all 47 of the Gastros exploded from their hiding places around the area, leaping and gibbering, waving their spiked Asphalt Smashers and causing a minor panic throughout the knot of cars.
Ms. Timpani Fletcher was an eyewitness who participated in the ruckus. “They came out of nowhere!” she told this reporter. “I was just driving home from whittling class, and then the entire Gastros team was in my face! It was terriﬁc!”
Engines revved, tires screeched and body armor crumpled as the drivers joined the fracas. The Gastros came away from the daring ambush with 128 fractures, 12 concussions, numerous lacerations and scrapes, and one venereal disease. The goal net vector gained a total of 56 feet to the south.
With all of the Gastros sidelined in hospital, the puck is up for grabs. It was last seen under the dumpster in the alley next to Looming’s Unique Mufﬁn Shop on Barp Street. Block Hockey analysts throughout the Gri’x spent the night debating the question of which team will make the next move, with no clear favorite emerging, though the Santa Pez Yam Slappers are expected to make a strong showing sometime this week.
The Unsuspecting Motorists are discussing the feasibility of forming their own ofﬁcial Block Hockey team for next season.