IPF’s “Nine Donkeys”: a Heavy Must-Have

–FLIP WHIZZLE

Hey kids! I’m back this week with my take on a hot new band I think will be a household name in the not too distant future!

Now, you know me, I’m rarely impressed by bands that have more than a dozen members, but Impractical Focus Group would simply not work without their revolving 207 or so member line-up! Granted, they tend to make up most of their own audience in some of the smaller clubs, but that’s also their gimmick to recruit new band members. Often times new members aren’t even aware that they are joining the band until they’ve been ushered onto the tour bus in what some have nick-named the “Shanghai Recruitment Method”. It’s also how they ditch members who aren’t quite making the cut! Ousted members are easy to lose in a crowd, and can often be seen wandering around outside the venue wondering when the tour bus is going swing back and pick them up.

Seriously, you guys really need to get out there and catch a show while you still can before they move on to the big leagues and ticket prices become attainable only through a very wasteful use of resources. I predict that with the upcoming release of their latest endeavor titled 9 Donkeys (to which I’ve been given an exclusive advance copy to review), pretty soon this group will be recruiting out of stadiums instead of the smelly little clubs in the greater Santa Pez area that repeatedly ignore the requests of patrons who would like to use a bathroom that doesn’t require fluid repellent footwear.

The new album is an octupal (squared) box set… it had to be that way in order to feature the wide range of soloing from so many diverse instruments – everything from the Whangclatter to the Fromp Tule and everything in between! There’s even a collaboration from the mighty 400 Kazoos, whose influence on this band has not only been an source of inspiration, but also having their endorsement hasn’t hurt their slither to fame!

The collection begins with the haunting “I’ve Got A Hammer In My Pocket”, a chilling tale of misplaced tools and segues into more than 100 minutes of candid giggling before a crescendo of metal racks containing glass objects falling down a flight of concrete stairs! It truly is a roller coaster ride of sonic disturbances! Then there’s the 906 minute “Dribbly Drab” that features an acapella solo from every known hybrid of fermented egg noodle! The fun never ends! I mean, except at the end with a melancholic rendition of Franz Lieberpuntz’s “Nasal Lightning Stomp” which is actually rather depressing and not much fun at all.

I can’t say enough good things about this collection of sounds. And I’m not going to either. Get out of your darkened, moist domiciles and risk the wide, staring eyes of complete strangers to purchase your own copy when they hit the shelves of every last known audio rectory in a media blitz unprecedented since the days of the great composers of last week and the week before! I promise you won’t be disappointed! Just remember to bring a cart as this collection come in at a whopping 62 pounds, and you don’t want to be stuck hauling that box of bricks on the bus! (It literally is a box of bricks. You’ll need to have the latest audio brick playback device to listen to it.)

That’s all for now! Until next week, I’m Flip Whizzle with the latest sonic sizzle. Report. Um. Yeah, I’m still working on that.

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Flip Whizzle is a 100% bonafide expert in analyzing the sonic replications of musicians. Though not musically inclined himself, Flip has spent a lifetime devoted to the study of critiquing things the he himself has not created, but focused on music after switching majors 127 times while attending G’rix University. Flip is also a retired DJ and worked for several substantial stations including the infamous KORK for a brief period of time before turning his efforts to a full time career in the music critiquing industry. These days when Flip isn’t hard at work listening to the latest bands he can be found on the concrete patio of his Santa Pez home mixing margaritas and scorching some kind of meat on his BBQ grill.